4. Realisation

So, this evening was my drama exam - went quite smoothly if i do say so myself, i managed to keep my bladder under control during my monologue, so all's well that ends well. Most entertaining moment of the exam by far, was my dad attempting to walk in whilst my friend performed her monologue, and my teacher wresting the door back at him - highly amusing.

Today has been quite the day of realisation despite my exam. 

1. Eating is not the only stress relief - I'm becoming a 'bush' baby

2. Nerves can be the cause of a better outcome

3. Ultimate happiness means an ultimate act of selfishness

4. A friend is to make a sacrifice

Out of 3 and 4, im not sure which one i like best, they both are a momentous bum out - Selfishness = a bad person, sacrifice = un fulfilment - neither of the options seem very satisfying, its the cliche choice of head and heart - the inevitable choice of life. A friend said to me, we should chose hear, because we're young and we're allowed to. i see the sense in that, its like saying that we should make our mistakes sooner, not later. But never the less you are still faced with that choice, and depending on the individual, you'll make a decision, no matter how it makes you feel.. in my case, like a rainy day, and my umbrella is covered in holes. 

The new series of House started tonight on Sky1, i was very pleased about that - more tv to steal my mind from the harsh realities of present sticky situations. Why deal with your own problems, when you can worry about fictional ones? After watching the episode of the god-like programme, i started mulling over a quote said during the show, 'we average our misery - that's what a relationship is'.. Your partner is someone you should be able to unload some of your problems, and visa versa.. it's a nice way of thinking of relationships as a whole. 

As the countdown to valentines day approaches i become more and more aware of my current situation - single, and my god does it depress my insides to the very core. Such a animated and manufactured holiday, with such a huge effect on society. However, this valentines day receives the most suicides than any other during the year... i guess its true that love does make people do crazy things.

I wish i was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep - kate nash

Eff x